Truth telling in living color

artistic face with big eyes

“Somewhere in the middle of this century, some scientist cat in Des Moines was having some fun with a CRISPR experiment. Something got out of hand, and within two generations, all the babies born in the U.S. had the cuttlefish gene that caused their skin to change color according to their emotions.”

Mr. Wilson sat on the edge of his desk and surveyed the class, trembling slightly. He had cerebral palsy, but nobody cared about that, even though some students had wondered why he didn’t get gene therapy. They liked his mop of dense black hair, and they thought his heavy rimmed black glasses were sort of cool in a retro way, but the fact that his skin remained a pasty gray color meant they never knew what he was feeling, an unfortunate characteristic many of his students found upsetting enough to give him poor evaluations at the end of the year. For today’s teenagers, not seeing a person’s emotions on their skin was like being deaf and blind.

“Is that why my grandparents are not full color?” asked Misty. Her face, neck, and arms lit up like a neon sign, rippling from pink to yellow to orange and back to pink again. She glanced at Matt, her current wanna-be conquest to make sure he was watching. He was, judging by the blues and browns flowing across his stubbly chin and neck. Boys could not hide their lust, any more than girls could hide their desire for conquest.

“Your grandparents were first-gen color, I’m guessing,” Mr. Wilson said. His head bobbled as he carefully stood up. The students blinked with shades of lavender and gray and held their collective breath to see if he would lose his balance. He looked around the classroom. “All of you have color,” he observed. “So you must be third-gen, at least.”

“Why don’t you, Mr. Wilson?” asked Doug, the high school’s star football player. “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.” He glanced at Misty. His face was a hopeful mix of green and brown, like a patchy lawn. However, they had had a nasty breakup, and she was done with Doug, judging by the angry cerulean that flushed across her cheeks.

“I applied for gene editing,” Mr. Wilson said. “But because of the cerebral palsy, I was rejected. They said it wouldn’t work.”

“But Mr. Wilson, what if you have a kid with someone colored?” asked Gretchen, blushing bright orange. She hardly ever talked in class. “I mean, would that kid look like you or like your wife?”

Mr. Wilson looked at the class for a long moment, head nodding. “You probably don’t know this, but I am married to a woman with the cuttlefish gene. Our first child is parti-colored. Her skin looks like confetti pretty much all the time. She can’t adjust it. She has to wear makeup and go to a special school. She was the lucky one. Our second child did not receive the gene at all.”

The class gasped in horror. A range of hues strobed across their faces.

“What happened to it . . . ?” someone dared to ask.

“We had to put him in a special home. A place that takes care of kids like him, kids who can’t express themselves with color. He’s ten now. He is learning to communicate his feelings using words, the same way I had to learn.”

“I can’t imagine not being able to see what my friends and family are feeling,” Misty said thoughtfully. “That must be really hard for you.”

Mr. Wilson smiled. “I’ll bring him to class tomorrow. You can meet him yourself. It’s good for you to get used to seeing people who can’t easily express their feelings. I’m not the only person without the cuttlefish gene. You might end up falling in love with someone like me, who knows?”

The entire class shuddered and lit up with a range of colors, mostly alternating shades of puce, chartreuse, and periwinkle, as the horror of that prospect sank in.

Invisible

“What’s wrong, Celeste?” Trudy looked at her friend. “You aren’t eating your salad. Would you like something else instead? I’ll gladly treat you.”

Celeste shook her head and poked some lettuce. “I’m fine, thank you.”

Gabby doused the pile of french fries on her plate with ketchup. “Aren’t you feeling well?” Even though she was the wealthiest one of the four friends, her tastes were definitely fast food.

Celeste stabbed a piece of chicken, examined it thoughtfully, and put it back on her plate. “You guys probably won’t be able to relate to this, but it’s been bothering me for a while. The problem is, I feel invisible when I go into stores.”

“Invisible!” Della waved a well-manicured hand and almost knocked over her glass.

“You three don’t have this problem, I bet. When you go shopping, people probably run up to you to ask you how they can help. Not me. Seems like since I turned fifity, I’ve become more and more invisible. For instance, I went into Best Buy yesterday. I needed an ethernet cable, where the heck would I find that! Who knows? I stood there in the open and put that look on, you know that look that says, here I am, I need help finding a thing in this mess, somebody come to my rescue, please! Nobody. People walked by within three feet of me, and didn’t even look my way. It was as if I did not exist.”

“You are not invisible, Celeste. I see you perfectly clearly,” Della said. “At least, before I finish my third martini, ha ha.”

“It’s crazy, I know. I feel like I could have picked up a big screen TV and walked out with it on my back. Literally, nobody paid any attention to me. I had to find the stupid cable myself. I had to yell at the cashier to get her to ring me up. She actually said, ‘where did you come from?’ and I don’t think she meant, what city was I born in. I think she didn’t see me. That is weird, right?”

Trudy leaned forward with a look Celeste knew well. “It’s hard after fifty, I know. It takes a lot more work, for sure. You could dress up a bit, honey. You know, make more of an effort. I know you have limited means, but there are some very cute designer outfits at Ross.”

“You need shoes, too,” said Gabby. “I got some black suede Dolce & Gabbana pumps at TJ Maxx, can you believe it? I never shop there, I was just passing by, and they just happened to have my size. I couldn’t say no.”

Celeste sighed. “I know you all mean well, but honestly, I don’t really care how I look. But that is not the point. Anyone who goes into Best Buy deserves service, whether she’s a hundred years old or twenty.”

“No argument, honey,” Trudy said. “You know what your problem is? I mean, besides the fact that you are poor and middle-aged? You’re white, and you’re female.”

“Excuse me?” Celeste said, looking up from her salad with mild surprise.

“Think about it. If you were black, they’d be on you like a shot. They would follow you around the store, pretending to wait on you, waiting for you to stick something in your purse.”

“Oh, come on,” Celeste said.

“She’s right,” Della nodded, signaling the waiter for another drink. “And what’s more, if you were white and male, they would be rolling out the red carpet for you. I was at Best Buy myself the other day with Romero. The salesperson came right up to us, but he did all his schmoozing to Romero. He barely looked at me.”

“So, what we are saying is that there is a hierarchy,” Gabby said. “Top of the heap, white and male. Second tier, white and female with money. Next down, black, any gender. And the bottom of the barrel . . . “

“Older white female. “

Gabby tapped the table. “Let’s put it to the test. I suggest after we finish here, we walk down the street to Best Buy. “

The four friends finished their happy hour lunches and soon were at the entrance to the Best Buy store.

“Let’s let Celeste go in first. We’ll watch from just inside the door,” Gabby said. “Got your phone ready, Trudy? Della is too tipsy to video.”

“I am not,” protested Della. “Okay, you go on in there, Celeste, and act like you deserve to be helped! Be assertive! Shoulders back, that’s it. Put some swing in those hips.”

Celeste shook her head but did her best to comply. In a moment, she had disappeared inside the store.

“Wait, what happened? Where did she go?” Trudy said, looking up from her phone screen. “It looked like she just vanished.”

“Did she run down that aisle?” Trudy pointed. “Let’s go in.”

Gabby led the way. The three women paused inside the entrance. Five blue-shirted sales associates hustled toward them. “Hello, welcome in! Need a new smartphone? How about a laptop? What can we help you find today?”

“We’re looking for our friend, actually,” Gabby said, looking right and left. “Did you see a woman, about this tall, older gal wearing black?”

Three sales reps drifted away. The remaining two both shook their heads. “No one came in, we’ve been standing here watching the door the last twenty minutes. Are you sure she didn’t go next door to the beauty salon?”

Trudy snorted. “No, trust us on that one. She came in here right before us. You must have seen her.”

“Spread out, you guy,” Gabby said. “We’ll find her. Maybe she had a seizure or something. Check all the aisles.”

The friends fanned out and searched the store, row by row. They met back up at the door after a fruitless half hour.

“I guess she was right, she really did turn invisible!” Della said.

“Wait, no, I see something! Over there, do you see someone waving something at us . . . I think it’s Celeste! And she’s waving . . . a hundred dollar bill!”

“Celeste! What are you doing? Where were you?”

“I was right here, right next to you guys!” Celeste said. They could tell she was miffed. “I followed Della around the store to make sure she didn’t fall into anything. Or steal anything.”

“I beg your pardon!” Della said, looking chagrined. “It was only a little thing.”

“How come we couldn’t see you?” Gabby asked, touching Celeste’s shoulder as if to make sure she was really there. “We searched everywhere.”

“I figured it out,” Celeste said. She held up the hundred dollar bill. “As long as I make it obvious I have money, I am not invisible. As soon as I put it away, nobody can see me. Somehow waving the money around cancels out being white, old, and female.”

“That’s just crazy,” Della said.

“Oh, yeah?” Celeste put the hundred back in her fanny pack.

Her three friends jumped backward in alarm. “Celeste! Where did you go?”

Three hundred years of fashion

“Eugene, we know fashion designers have always competed for media attention. It comes with the job, going on tour, being interviewed, all that hoopla. Designers try to outdo each other to see who can be the most shocking and depraved. Do you ever feel sometimes you go too far?”

Eugene shrugged, making the shoulders on his black and white sequinned cape ripple like snake skin. He leaned back in the barrel shaped chair and crossed his legs to show off his lurex jodhpurs and black patent leather riding boots. “I don’t know what you mean, Dave.”

Dave inched forward toward the edge of his chair. “Well, like, for instance, take what you are wearing now. It’s so, so . . . Liberace! One might say that cape is completely out of style, hasn’t been in style for a hundred years or more.”

“One might say that,” Eugene said, examining his long black curved fingernails. “One would be wrong. Listen, Dave, fashion fads come and go, but style remains a constant, am I correct? For example, in the 1700s, men wore long waistcoats, breeches, silk hose, and white powdered wigs.”

“Before my time, thank God,” Dave smiled and smoothed the creases of his sans-a-belt slacks.

“The point is, that was the style. Everyone thought those men looked fabulous. Then, in the late 1800s, men wore tailored wool suits and top hats, cravats made of silk, pointy-toed boots. You’ve seen the pictures.”

“Foppish, to say the least.” Dave adjusted his pale blue cardigan and tried to sit up straighter. Interviewing famous fashion designers always made him feel inadequate.

“Not foppish! Stylish! Fast forward, during the mid-1900s, we had cardigans, slacks, and wingtips not unlike what you are wearing, Dave, soon to be replaced by Nehru-collared shirts, seersucker jackets, and bellbottoms. Not fifty years later, the style pendulum swung the other way, and by the late 1900s, it was all about big shoulders, unconstructed linen jackets, and pegged pants.”

“Right, I saw that documentary,” Dave nodded. “Does it seem like fashion is getting crazier by the decade? I can’t keep up. What happened after 2000, Eugene?”

“Designers have always been inspired by streetwear, Dave. Some of Ralph Lauren’s best looks came straight off the polo field. So, it wasn’t a big surprise that by the 2010s, the Bummish Look started to emerge, influenced by the streetwear of the growing homeless population.”

“Right, right,” Dave said. “I saw Men’s Vogue before it went under. Everyone wore long trench coats over baggy ripped trousers. Belts were made of burlap, if I remember correctly. Their shoes were scuffed and torn.”

“Right, it’s no easy feat to take fine leather, silk, and rayon and turn it into something that looks like an unwashed person has slept in for a year without once taking it off. Our design house employs some of the finest tailors in the world, and let me tell you, they worked in difficult conditions that season. It takes a lot of paint and dirt to make a garment look bummish.”

“The fashion photo spreads were edgy during that time. Here’s an advertisement for the House of Dior’s interpretation of the Bummish Look. Can we zoom in on that? It looks like we are seeing fashion models in a homeless encampment. Help me understand this, Eugene.”

“Well, Dave, it was all about verisimilitude back then. False artifice. Rich models posing as poor people to get rich people to buy clothes that made them look like poor people.”

“Did it work?”

“Pure genius. Until the fashion pendulum swung the other way. After that, nobody could stand the Bummish Look, and it was everywhere, so if you recall, cities ran all the homeless out of town. Say, Dave, you look like you could use a makeover. That cardigan must be five seasons old, am I correct?”

Dave squirmed. “Well, yeah, but there’s still plenty of wear left in it. I can’t just get rid of it. I think it’s cashmere. Got it at Target before they shut down. It’s so comfortable.”

“Dave, fashion is all about planned obsolescence, and style is never about comfort. Why don’t you drop by the atelier next week, we’ll get you decked out in some of our fall looks, before they hit the runways.”

“That sounds great, Eugene. What is your new collection called?”

“We’re tentatively calling it Hillbilly Holocaust. It’s kind of a cross between pioneer and genocide. But don’t tell anyone, we haven’t got our ad campaign finalized. Oh wait, are we live on TV right now?” Eugene smirked at the camera and tossed his long black curls. “Consider this advance publicity.”

Dave turned to the camera and adjusted his bowtie. “You heard it here first, folks. Tune in next week, when we’ll be talking with Selma Fig, director of Think Yourself Rich: The True Story of How One Woman Used her Imagination to Achieve Wealth and Fame Without Lifting a Finger. See you next week!”

Perfection is attainable

“I wish I could sag like you,” Tina said, gazing at Aunt Emily’s jawline. “Yours looks so natural. Mine keep falling off.”

Aunt Emily laughed. “That’s because mine are natural, silly goose. You’re only fourteen, give it time.” She smoothed her puffy jowls with a well-manicured hand. “I remember when women used to get face-lifts!”

Tina’s sister Maggie held up a page from a 1960s Sear’s catalog. “Can you believe how thin they were? They look positively emaciated.”

“That was the style back then,” Aunt Emily said. “Styles change.”

“I can’t wait to get old,” Tina sighed, patting the cosmetic bags glued on either side of her sharp chin. “My sags fall off at school and everyone makes fun of me.”

“Mine never fall off,” Maggie lied, tossing her head. “This model looks like a cadaver, her face is so thin. Why did anyone ever think that was attractive?”

“I met Billy after school down by the bleachers,” Tina said.

Aunt Emily sat up straighter and frowned. “And what were you doing down there with Billy?”

Tina grinned. “Relax, we weren’t doing anything. Billy got some sags. He wanted to give me some tips on how to keep them on.”

“Boys are starting to wear sags,” Maggie confirmed. “They added an after-school workshop to show them how to put them on right. Isn’t that funny? Boys with sags! As if!”

“I saw a commercial for sags for men,” Aunt Emily said. “I laughed at the time, but maybe the style is changing. Men want to be cool, too. I mean, there was a time when skin products were only for women, then skincare companies started making men’s face creams and body lotions. Next thing you know, men were putting on makeup and wearing perfume.”

“And skirts!” Maggie said. “I saw a documentary.”

“That was short-lived,” Aunt Emily said. “Same with the platform heels. They realized they looked pretty silly. But who can blame them? Men have always wanted to be as cool as women. It’s no wonder they want to wear sags now.”

Maggie held up the catalog. “What I don’t get is how anyone ever thought a thin jawline was sexy. It’s as bad as being flat-chested.” She hefted one of her falsies with one hand. “I can’t wait until I’m 18 and can get all the implants. I look like a stick.”

“Nonsense, you look fabulous,” Aunt Emily soothed. “You both do. As soon as you are old enough, your mother and I will take you in for sags and boobs. You’ll droop in all the right places. You won’t have to worry about the glue and the padding anymore. It will be one-hundred percent natural, like you were born that way. Boys will go crazy.”

“Can I get hip sags, too, at the same time?” Tina said, poking her thigh. “My hipbones show through my pants. I hate that!”

“The works, I promise. Soft-bellied, puffy-jowled, pudding-hipped girls with fat in all the right places . . . that’s the style these days. Insurance will cover it all, so why not get the whole package done at once? You just have to grow up a little first. Then you’ll be perfect.”

Hiding from the holidays

big full moon over black hills

Max found it really helpful to have a superpower, especially on Thanksgiving. In fact, Max, like most twelve year olds, had many superpowers. The trouble was, Max could not pick and choose which of his many superpowers would manifest on any given day. For instance, talking directly to ants was an awesome superpower in summer but not that entertaining in winter when the ants under the kitchen sink were lethargic and dopey from the cold.

“Max, remove yourself,” his mother said for the seventh time in an hour. “Go watch football with the guys. Thirty minutes to dinnertime.” Max wished his superpower of flying like a bird would manifest soon. As long as he could find an open window, that is. Getting trapped near the ceiling as his father swatted at him with a rolled up newspaper was not ideal.

“Maybe Max would like to mash the potatoes,” Max’s grandmother said, but at the word “mash,” Max was long gone. Max had once had a conversation with a potato who was about to be baked. The memory tended to resurface at Thanksgiving, taking the edge off Max’s appetite. As an avowed vegetarian, he used to take pride in knowing he would not eat anything that would run from him if it could. After all, every animal deserved to live. However, knowing that a potato would prefer freedom from being baked or mashed meant Max pretty much lived on store-brand Cheerios.

Max stood in the doorway of the family room. His father lounged in the leather recliner. His grandfather sat in the middle of the couch. Both men’s eyes were glued to the big TV console placed in front of the decorative fireplace. The TV was Max’s father’s favorite posession, besides his 1961 turquoise blue Cadillac. Max as usual was astounded at the green of the grass on the football field. The grass lawn he was familiar with was brown and dormant this time of year, which was something to be thankful for, because that meant no mowing.

“C’mere, kid,” Max’s grandfather said, patting the mussed up spread on the cushion next to him. “My team is winning.”

Max knew he should care about football. He sat by his grandfather, not too close so he could avoid the old-person smell and questing hands that people over 70 all seemed to get (or maybe it was just Max’s grandparents), and admired the colors on the TV screen. He arranged his face in an expression of interest, and in a few moments, he felt one of his superpowers kicking in. This one gave him the ability to pretend to care about things he didn’t care about. The purpose of this superpower was to make other people feel comfortable around him. It often worked, but when the superpower failed to emerge, which happened from time to time, the results were almost always disastrous. Not that Max minded being exiled to his room. It was better than watching football.

Max’s mother appeared in the doorway of the family room, wiping her hands on her apron, which Max knew she wore to ward off criticism from mother. She only put it on during the holidays. “Max, your aunt and cousin are here. With impeccable timing, as usual.” Max’s mother resented how her sister always seemed to miss the preparation but never the meal.

A team scored a touchdown. Max’s father yelled “Dammit!” and threw Chex Mix at the TV. Max went to the front door.

“Hello, Max,” said Aunt Busy, shucking her coat at Max. “Bradley, say hi. Give Max your jacket.”

“I’m cold,” said Bradley, Max’s only cousin. Max knew Bradley would say that. It didn’t take a superpower to know that someone as spindly as Bradley would always be cold. Max was a skinny kid, but next to Bradley, Max looked like Superman. He grudgingly liked Bradley for that reason.

Bradley followed Max to the coat closet and watched him hang Aunt Busy’s coat on a padded hanger.

“You got that new game?” Bradley said. “Mom wouldn’t let me bring my Gameboy.”

Max shook his head. He wasn’t into games. Books provided all the escape he needed.

“Dinner,” Max’s grandmother announced. She gave Aunt Busy a peck on the cheek. “How are you, Beatrice? You look a little puffy.”

“I’ve lost three pounds this month,” Aunt Busy replied. “Bradley, sit there.”

“No, that’s where Max sits,” Max’s mother said.

Max’s grandfather and father entered the dining room and started pulling out chairs, upsetting the tablecloth.

“Watch out,” Max’s mother said in an irritated voice. She untied her apron and fhrew it onto the rocking chair in the bay window.

“Now, Meryl,” said Max’s grandmother. “Let’s all take this opportunity to be thankful for family.”

“Right. Thankful,” Max’s mother said through gritted teeth.

“Bring on the grub,” Max’s father said. “Bill, you want to carve the turkey?”

“No, Meryl does it better,” Max’s grandfather said.

Max edged out the door on tiptoes, willing his superpower of invisibility to rise up and take over. “Come on, come on,” he whispered under his breath, trying to blend into the wallpaper. He nestled into the pillows in the reading nook, grabbed a library book about spaceships, and let his mind sink into the world of his imagination. Time slowed and seemed to stop. Suspended in space, he felt no pain, no hunger, not even a need to breathe.

“Where’s Max?” he heard his cousin say from far away. Bradley voice faded as Max gunned his engines and sped away to the far side of the moon.

Looking good

“More padding!” shouted Leon. The first assistant tripped over her skirt as she scurried to obey. The second assistant lifted the multicolored velveteen cape up a couple inches and the first assistant crammed another shoulder pad over the three already in place, first one shoulder, then the other. The model staggered slightly with the added weight, then got her footing and cocked a hip in a valiant effort to do justice to Leon’s design.

Some foolhardy soul had made a feeble attempt to conjure the holiday spirit by stringing up some tinsel. Nobody noticed. The aroma of juniper wreathes hung in the air backstage, along with the stench of hair spray, body odor, and glue.

Leon stepped back, fingers outlining his scruffy chin, and scrutinized the silhouette. All the tailors, drapers, and assistants in the atelier held their collective breaths.

“Je suis desolee,” Leon moaned, falling backward into a padded chair the third assistant hurried to shove under his well-padded derriere, just in time. His white ermine coat fell open to reveal a slice of hairy stomach meant to be boyish and sexy, yet still sophisticated. It was a difficult look to achieve, but he persevered.

Live orchestral music swelled in the warehouse auditorium. Leon pretended not to be moved. “Places!” cried the stage manager, clapping his hands. “Monsieur Leon?”

Leon waved a dismissive hand. “All is lost. Let the show commence.”

A line of gaunt models formed at the stage entrance, wobbling on platforms and spike heels. A few lucky ones wore shoulderless frocks and gowns. The rest tottered under the weight of heavily padded capes, coats, blazers, and short evening boleros, layered over hip-length swaths of silk chiffon (sequinned G-strings tastefully teased but not shown). The silhouette this season consisted of inverted triangles: linebacker shoulders, knobby knees, and spindly legs, punctuated by outlandish shoes. The female head was an afterthought.

At the direction of the stage manager, one by one the models made their entrances. The roar of the audience indicated approval and respect. “Leon, Leon!”

Leon remained slumped in his chair, hand covering his face, but his heart beat faster at the praise he felt he so richly deserved. He’d done his best. No one could call him a chauvinist. The dichotomy of the female figure was the star of the collection. How far women had come in a man’s world! Leon’s brilliant vision had emerged as domineering shoulders with shoulder pads bigger than guinea hens, contrasted with delicate twig-like ankles. At last, today’s modern woman could be both breadwinner and vapid ingenue. The story was, yes, you can bring home the bacon and trip on the front porch into your man’s arms. Women really could have it both ways.

With a wary eye on Leon, the members of the atelier peeped through the curtains. They oohed softly as the models sashayed toward the audience. A moment later, the orchestral music stuttered to a stop.

“Monsier Leon, forgive me, Mimi has fallen.”

Leon stirred. “What’s that you say? Fallen?”

“And Claudette also,” the third assistant murmured into his fist. “Her ankles . . . she cannot walk.”

Leon heaved himself to his feet and rushed to the curtain. His models lay about the runway like fallen nutcracker soldiers. Mimi sat in a puddle of black silk velvet, gray-faced and silent, staring at the white shards of shinbone poking through her paper thin skin. A model in a strapless gown was trying to comfort her without squatting, which would surely split her seams and result in a docking of her pay. Claudette lay trapped under a multilayered jacket made of red and gold silk jaquard, one of Leon’s favorite fabrics. Her thrashing legs indicated she might be having trouble breathing. Sara had apparently tripped at the turn and now her motionless form lay half on the runway, half off, with her head at an odd angle, but looking fabulous with cloche still pinned in place, Leon noted. If only she had fallen a little to the left, her head would have been pillowed by a luxurious custom-made shoulder pad, as big as a Thanksgiving turkey. Spare no expense!

Zazou, Leon’s favorite model, crawled toward Leon, her precariously perched hat and veil revealing one weeping eye. “Zazou, mon petite chou, get up, get up,” Leon whispered, motioning her to rise. Then he saw, she had to crawl. Her legs appeared to have snapped under the weight of the garment he had designed just for her. She rose on broken kneecaps before him. He eyed her silhouette critically. More padding, he thought, just before she brained him with a custom-designed platform shoe.